Zach Braff is truly one of the worst living actor, writer, director ever. And now he wants you to pay so he can continue to produce lazy, thoughtless, douchey, crap. Thanks kickstarter!
Zach Braff is a rare breed of actor that is literally terrible in everything he has ever been in. The only thing he has ever been involved in was playing Phillip Lit in 2 episodes of Arrested Development. And that is not enough to stop me from saying he is one of the worst people in all of entertainment.
You might be wondering why I’ve turned my angst towards someone who hasn’t worked since 2010, but he surfaced from ironic hovel yesterday on kickstarter. Why? To ask people to pay for a movie they are going to have to pay to see.
Yes, apparently Comedy Central playing Scrubs 12 hours a day does not produce enough residuals for this already terrible sounding project. Wanna know what his movie’s about? Here’s the plot from the writer, director, star:
“‘Wish I Was Here’ is the story of Aidan Bloom (played by me), a struggling actor, father and husband, who at 35 is still trying to find his identity; a purpose for his life. He and his wife are barely getting by financially and Aidan passes his time by fantasizing about being the great futuristic Space-Knight he’d always dreamed he’d be as a little kid. When his ailing father can no longer afford to pay for private school for his two kids (ages 5 and 12) and the only available public school is on its last legs, Aidan reluctantly agrees to attempt to home-school them. The result is some funny chaos, until Aidan decides to scrap the traditional academic curriculum and come up with his own. Through teaching them about life his way, Aidan gradually discovers some of the parts of himself he couldn’t find.”
Woooow. Breaking some new ground there, eh? First off, “I wish I was here” is enough to make me hate everything about this. You see, the common saying is “I wish YOU were here”. But if he’s there how can he wish he was there?! Deep! Or, you know, just simple.
And I’m glad to see he’s continuing the “middle aged white guys who lack direction take a strange turn and in the end, find out the road to happiness isn’t the one they set on” story that we have seen every summer. That’s right, Zach, this is essentially Grown Ups 3. What a douche.
Now, the beauty of kickstarter is that when you back enough, you get something exclusive. So this way you know your money is going towards something the general public isn’t privy to. Again, from the dickhead’s mouth: ”One of the cool things about being a backer is that you can get access to weekly song picks by me, and be the first group to stream the soundtrack.”
Yup, give him money and you get to look at songs he likes and can stream the soundtrack… cause, you know, it’ll be so tough to do once it’s released. I think offering nothing would have been less of a slap in the face.
Once kickstart started, everyone wondered how long until greedy corporations took it over so it was no longer a beacon for people who actually needed it and just became another revenue source. Well, great job fuckface, your inability to get a studio to back your formulaic garbage movie has made it more difficult for real artists who need the money to get it.
But as of now, he’s got $1,451,220 and I’m writing on a tumblr. So I guess he wins. Though it does make me feel better that even this is more thought provoking than anything he’s ever done.
Scrubs is awful, please don’t tell me people out there who aren’t pre-med actually like it? Please. And c’mon, now that we don’t use AIM anymore, those quotes from Garden State are pretty lame. Fortune cookies are better written. He is awful.